Do you think they'll change the old adage "a watched pot never boils" to "a watched Facebook never produces posts"? ~ bethany durys

My fortune cookie says, "You will soon be surrounded by good friends and laughter." I'm not so sure they are good friends if they are laughing at me! ~ bwdurys

People who like to hear the pitter patter of little feet in the house should get a dog. You get twice the number of feet for half the number of mouths to feed! ~ bwd

Evidently there was a sticker on the pear that I just tossed into my smoothie. I don't think this is what they meant when they talk about foods that "stick to your ribs." ~ bwd

I really think my dog and cats have an agreement when it comes to anything food-related. The cat who was "getting a drink out of the fish tank" evidently knocked the fish food on the floor. The dog took the fish food outside and now the can is empty. Guess the fish didn't pay their union dues - now they'll be swimming with the fishes. Oh wait! They're fish! So, cement shoes for them? Oh wait! They have no feet! Maybe they've learned their lesson. The punishment is mine - to the pet store I go.
~ bwd

Morning: That time when you're reminded you're not 21 any more. You wake up without an alarm clock. You tell yourself you just have to make it to the coffee pot. On the way, you take some ibuprofen. You're the one who feeds the dog and once you have, you can't remember if you started the coffee or not. You sit down just in time to hear the alarm clock go off because you forgot to turn it off when you got up before it went off and you realize your cup of coffee is still on the counter.

~ bwd

They say you get shorter as you get older but I think I'm getting taller cuz the older I get, the farther away the floor seems when I have to reach it. ~ bwd

Please note that on January 7 at 9:55am, I quit. Just saying it now so that if at any point in the future, you think I was supposed to do something and I didn't, I can tell you that was what I quit. ~ bwd

Ode to the Clothes Washer ~ B.W. Durys

You've been good to us these last 18 years. 

Faithfully washing loads of grimy laundry. 

Your final act is just as sweet ... 

Dying just before Black Friday.

~ bwd

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. Hmm... I should be a size smaller than I am :-) ~ bwdurys

State of Mind

Why are kindergartners the only ones who get afternoon naps?? ~ bwd

I heard my air conditioner grumbling this morning. He is threatening to go on strike if working conditions don't change. He says, we're working him too hard. I told him he should just be thankful he has a job! ~ bwdurys

I'm not asleep... but that doesn't mean I'm awake. 

If I go take a nap, can I consider that planking?? ~ pezbemine

Can't someone do something about Monday mornings? They keep showing up. ~ BWD